Ice Ice Baby

I have an article in today’s Chicago Tribune, which is essentially about people who comment on news stories, so I’m expecting a slew of negative comments about it. I don’t usually look at the comments anywhere, especially under my own column, but you cant help but see them on TV, since they use them as content fillers at places like CNN. Check out the piece in the Live section of Wednesday’s Tribune or online on the Tribune’s web site. The few times that I have looked, I have found that the people who leave comments in newspapers are especially insane. They always seem to be disgruntled and want to settle a real or imaginary score. There are a lot of people who hate me because I’m so talented, beautiful and successful. It’s kind of funny that certain people choose to allow themselves to be irritated by me rather than just ignoring me.

It’s so easy to make someone disappear if you just ignore him or her. That’s what I do with everyone, with the possible exception of Steve Cochran, and that’s not because I want to. He is forced on me during every intermission of every Blackhawks home game. I’m going to have pee more strategically. At first, I’ll admit, I was enjoying the irritation, but now it’s like an open wound and he’s just pouring his brain salt in it for 17 minutes twice a night. Do the Blackhawks bucket game and shoot the puck really need to be narrated? Also, while I’m on the subject of Blackhawks in-game entertainment, let me implore them once again to rotate the Ice Crew around the rink during the course of the hockey game. If you get stuck with one of the dogs (there are only a couple of them), you’re stuck with her for the entire night. Kind of like an ESPO1 date (LOL).

Saturday I will be attending Brent Seabrook's Celebrity ICE Bowl. So far, it’s not shaping up to be what I hoped it would be. I thought it would take place at night and that it would be a bunch of hockey players and girls who wanted to have sex with them. Their boyfriends would bring some, and others would come in clumps. There would be a lot of drinking and cavorting, and then we would all go hang out with Chef Hans at Trader Vic’s, just like we did at Cheli’s Chili back in the day. Turns out, the tournament is to help low-income kids play hockey. Not only will there not be any hot chicks, except for maybe a few Blackhawks girlfriends, but the hockey moms will all be low income inner city moms. That’s more in Brendan’s wheelhouse than mine. I hope there are at least a few rich charitable cougars.